Planning is half the battle
by xrifree
Summary: Sebastian is a clever man with a clever little plan; ideal for stealing guys from their annoying boyfriends. This story can be considered either Seblaine heavy on Klaine, or Klaine heavy on Seblaine.
1. Chapter 1

Spoilers up to Hold on to Sixteen.

thanks to courtnialovin and Lupin111 for betaing.

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><p>Blaine Anderson had been an ever lingering presence in the Dalton Academy hallways, long before Sebastian joined the Warblers.<p>

At first it was frustrating, having every action he took being measured against the apparently unreachable stature of Blaine's legend.

Sebastian was never one to take second place. He wanted the spotlight, he craved the attention that he knew he deserved. And having the ghost of the former soloist breathing down his neck at every turn had been annoying to the nth degree.

When he had joined them, the Warblers were like a pack of chickens with their heads cut off, blindly stumbling about in the last precious moments before death. Sebastian had taken that unruly, leaderless mass and started molding it into something magnificent, resembling its former glory. But still, all his best efforts were met with a wall of "Blaine used to say that" and "Blaine would do that." They literally worshipped the ground Anderson walked on. But Sebastian was not about to let them linger in the past.

So, when he had first laid eyes on the dark haired boy, who was watching them perform quietly, he did not immediately realize it was the same person. Maybe he had expected Blaine would be 15 feet tall, with a force field around him and the ability to make people weep and bent at his will just by looking at him or something. He had walked up to him, looking him straight in the eye and pulled him into their perfectly synchronized performance, not out of knowledge of who Blaine was, but just because he thought the guy was hot, honestly. It was later that he noticed how the rest of the group was watching Blaine intently, with their eyes lit up like Christmas lights. By the time Nick wrapped up Uptown Girl, he had caught up.

And what a happy coincidence that he did.

He managed to get Blaine away from the others with little effort. Rather quickly he realized that a simple "I want to fuck you against my dorm room wall" wouldn't suffice in this case. Blaine needed to be won, wooed even. It was a nice change.

It wasn't that Blaine was not interested. He clearly was. Sebastian would be surprised if he wasn't, anyway. But something seemed to hold him back. So then came the confession about having a boyfriend, and then came the actual boyfriend, who looked at Sebastian like he was the most disgusting thing to ever grace the bottom of his fashionable boots, and Sebastian knew this was going to be even more of a challenge than he had expected.

Kurt was intimidated by Sebastian's presence, as he should be. He kept clutching at Blaine's arm, trying to engage him in conversation away from Sebastian, and twirling him out of reach on the dance floor at Scandals, a few days later. If it came to that, Sebastian was sure Kurt might start pissing around the corners to stake his claim. His fear was delicious, and it made Sebastian want Blaine even more.

Soon he found himself organizing a plan. Not only was he going to have Blaine, but he was also going to make him come back to Dalton, where he belonged. There was no point antagonizing the memory of him, when he could have the real thing _with him_ as the perfect arm candy and trophy. Together they could rule the Warblers, just like Sebastian was supposed to be doing ever since he joined.

And maybe ruin one of New Directions' founding members' heart in the process.

He cornered Nick, Jeff and Thad that morning, and filled them in on his plan. He was sure they would pass the message on. They seemed reluctant at first. Sebastian suspected guilt wasn't the only thing holding Nick back. He clearly enjoined the opportunities for solos, now that Blaine was gone.

"Do you want to win nationals this year or not?"

"Of course we do." Nick admitted.

"Then we need Blaine. There's no way around it."

"But… he's happy where he is. With Kurt."

"He'll be happier here. He said he missed Dalton every day."

"He did?" Thad asked, with a hand clutching his chest and sighing, honest to god sighing, like a lovestruck 12 year old.

"Yes. So, what I need now, is all the information you can get. On Blaine, McKinley _and_ the boyfriend."

"How are you even sure you're going to get him away from Kurt?" Jeff asked, almost angry. "They're in love." Oh. So, Sebastian had to fight against the nay sayers and the Hummel worshippers alike. Great.

Sebastian stifled a snort. "_Kurt Hummel?_ Not exactly a challenge."

* * *

><p><strong>Step 1: Get to know him-<strong>

**or how to awe and amaze without getting friend zoned.**

First order of business was getting to actually see Blaine on a regular basis. Which was about to prove difficult, with Kurt stalking like a faithful guarddog at his side all hours of the day.

The night at Scandals was a failure. Kurt had wedged himself in between them and occupied Blaine's attention most of the night.

Sebastian was mildly impressed. He never would have thought the kid had it in him.

So, he attended West Side Story. That proved wise and useful on a whole different level as it gave him the chance to spy on the competition. Because unhealthy obsession with Blaine aside, Sebastian was still the self proclaimed leader of the Warblers, and checking out New Directions' goods had been in his itinerary for a long time.

There was _some_ talent there. That overdramatic Maria had a decent voice, and Anita was ok he guessed. She had copious amounts of sex appeal, which Sebastian could appreciate since it was a shared trait with him, but still. Most attendees at show choir competitions were either straight women or gay men. There was no reason to be worried that a foxy brunette would be more of a hit than an all boys a capella group. Hummel had some talent too, difficult as it was for him to admit. But all in all, the whole production had been one miserable attempt at second class, just like he had expected. With their meager budget, their cheap costumes and even cheaper staging, it was almost endearing that they tried so hard.

And then there was the matter of Blaine. Sexy, bashful, amazing Blaine, who proved easily that the rumors of him singing like a dream were utterly true. Sebastian couldn't tear his gaze away. The thought that Kurt was probably somewhere backstage shooting daggers at him made a smirk grace Sebastian's face through the whole thing.

If it wasn't clear before, after watching the show it was evident that Blaine belonged back at Dalton with him. Where he could shine, second only to Sebastian of course, and away from those hick town corn bread Lima losers.

He managed to talk to Blaine after the show for a whole 2 minutes before the swirling buzzing crowd of New Directions pulled him away. In that time he only had the opportunity to extract Blaine's email address and facebook profile. It was as if Blaine was worried that his precious little boyfriend would be beyond upset if he gave Sebastian his phone number. It was kind of cute, in an annoying way. Sebastian already had his phone number of course, provided by the ever helpful Warblers, but he was not going to use it unless Blaine gave it to him himself. Can't afford to come off as too much of a stalker.

They talked a bit on Facebook and on one memorable instance on Skype for about two weeks or so, until Blaine disappeared from the face of digital Earth.

Fucking bastard had blocked him.

So Sebastian started hanging around that god-awful Lima Bean more than he would ever want in his life. And surprise surprise, the next time he spotted Blaine, Kurt was at his side.

He made his way to their table anyway. Kurt had finally let his holier than though Grace Kelly persona slip, as he told Sebastian what was on his mind.

"I don't like you. I don't like the way you talk to my boyfriend. I don't like your smirky little meerkat face. I don't like your obnoxious CW hair."

And "You smell like Craig's List."

Sebastian had almost found that last snark kind of smart.

Kurt had probably picked it up from the Internet.

At least the gloves had come off. He was more than ready for a showdown.

Next time he saw Blaine, the boy was blessedly alone.

"So how about that phone number?" he asked after 10 whole minutes of unnecessary chit chat.

Blaine was nothing but a gentleman. "I'm not sure that's a very good idea."

"Oh come on. Doesn't that leash Hummel's got on you itch any time?"

Blaine's eyes shone with an angry gleam, even though his polite smile hardly failed. "There is no leash. I can do whatever I want."

"Then why not give me your number? I swear my intentions are good. Very, very good." He gave Blaine a sultry smile, one that he had practiced in the mirror many times growing up, one that was challenging and fetching at the same time, the one that never failed to get him laid.

Blaine smirked back, before he caught himself and faintly blushed, like he was embarrassed at what he was doing.

Sebastian loved that about him. Because where as the happily married couple appeared boring and domesticated beyond repair when together, there was a clear distinction between them. That virginal nun-like Hummel kid, with his back ramrod straight and that expression like he had something up his ass- and not at all in the good way- was no match for what Sebastian could spy lurking behind Blaine's preppy exterior and ridiculous bowties. Where Kurt was cold, Blaine had something dark and raw waiting to be unleashed, waiting for Sebastian to coax it out, to bring it to the light with grabbing hands and carefully placed touches and intense kisses. Blaine had passion.

"Fine." Blaine said after a minute, grabbing Sebastian's cell. He looked up from long eyelashes and smiled almost secretively once he gave it back. "Don't call me with inappropriate offers at 2 am."

"I'll do my best. Cross my heart."

He had to change tactics.

He had to take advantage of what he knew. Blaine was extremely friendly. He couldn't help it. He had good manners and a kind heart. He would always help someone in need, even if he was suspicious against them.

Sebastian waited a couple of days, before setting the plan in motion.

Blaine picked up at the third ring.

"Hello?" he sounded distracted. Sebastian could hear a characteristic high voice whining in the background. It sounded like he had interrupted a make out session.

Good.

"Blaine, it's Sebastian. I…" he paused for dramatic effect, doing his best to sound awkward and intimidated. "I was wondering if we could meet. I have to talk to you."

"Is everything ok?" came the reply quickly.

"Well… no. Not exactly." Sebastian sighed pointedly. "I need your advice on something. Blaine… please. Could you meet me at the Lima Bean this afternoon? Please?"

"Sure, of course…" He hesitated. "What is this about?"

"I can't really tell you over the phone. Just.. I wouldn't bother you if it wasn't important. Please?"

"Yes, yes, ok. I'll see you there."

He disconnected the call with a sense of achievement. It was very important to keep coming back to familiar places for Blaine and Kurt, just like the Lima Bean. That way, he knew, soon those places wouldn't be "theirs". Blaine will have different, hopefully better memories of him being there _with Sebastian_ when this was all over.

He quickly made up some ridiculous story about the Warblers on his way there. How Sebastian was not fitting in, how he couldn't seem to gain their respect, how he had to fight tooth and claw to get some attention, and only Blaine was in a position to help him cope with this cruel cruel world.

Blaine had listened attentively over a steaming cup of coffee. He had looked earnest and understanding and like he was trying his best to help.

Soon enough, Sebastian stopped pretending, and started talking about the reality of his situation. Blaine's fierce hazel eyes were able to draw up all kinds of insecurities he didn't know he had. He really had trouble adjusting at Dalton. He just never in a million year thought he would be talking about it.

"Their archaic rituals and protocols aside, they're just like vultures fighting over the last piece of meat. You should have seen how they acted when Trent grabbed that gavel. It was like he was demanding the right to rule England or something."

Blaine smiled/chocked on his gulp. "It's fake."

"What?" Sebastian asked confused.

"The gavel. Wes took it home with him after graduation last year, and replaced it with a fake. He has it on a specially designed wooden pedestal in his dorm room at Eaton. It's pretty scary."

Sebastian laughed, a loud throaty laugh that he hadn't heard from himself in a long time. "That's even worse. A fake symbol of power, controlling the lives of us commoners with an iron grip."

Blaine smiled, and kept quiet. He had a nice smile. A little too big and honest, but bright and heart warming.

"So how is life at the glorious McKinley High? Is public school as horrifying as they make it out to be?"

"You've never been to public school?"

"Never had to." Sebastian shrugged.

"Well. It's… ok I guess. Honestly it could be really worse." He sounded like he was speaking from experience.

"But it's no Dalton?"

"Definitely not. And not only because of the absence of creepy attachment to wooden artifacts. The people there, in New Directions… They're very… unique. They have learned to fight to have their voice heard, and things can get a little intense. Which I guess isn't that much different than Dalton anymore, from what you're telling me."

"So they are not the warm welcoming family you always dreamed of?" Sebastian asked playfully.

"No." Blaine let out a little laugh. "But, we're getting there. I think."

"What about bullying?"

Blaine looked at him with a mixture of surprise and confusion.

"No wedgies, no swirlies, nothing?"

"I thought you never went to public school."

"I watch teen TV."

"Ah." Blaine gave that little laugh again. Sebastian couldn't get enough of it. "Well, yes, all those things do exist. And slushies. Slushies to the face are apparently the worse."

"I bet you and Kurt get a lot of vicious looks. Especially Kurt, with the way he is." He quickly rectified his statement, because Blaine seemed about ready to turn into the invincible Hulk at the dig towards his boyfriend. "I mean, that in a school like that, an out gay couple must be about their worst nightmare."

"I guess. But it's just some whispers in the hallways. Nothing we can't handle." And Blaine was back to little tight smiles and suspicious gazes.

Sebastian of course already knew about Blaine's history. He knew that Blaine had to transfer to Dalton, with its zero tolerance for bullying, because things had gotten too hard at his former school. And since he was counting on praising the many merits of Dalton, the fact that Blaine was not having a hard time in public school was a setback he had not foreseen.

Didn't matter. He had many more tricks up his sleeve.

In their next coffee dates Sebastian had to find that elusive balance between non threatening and flirty. Because of course he needed Blaine to start trusting him, but he was not about to slide in to friend zone, thank you very much.

So he made sure to make lots of compliments and suggestive dialogue, while keeping it PG and easy. It wasn't hard to come up with any of it, when every time he saw Blaine the urge to feel that body writhing beneath him or sitting heavily on top of him, or many many other combinations that his mind helpfully provided increased. And the list kept growing. He even managed to bypass a few light insults to Kurt here and there. Those weren't hard to come up with either.

* * *

><p><strong>Step 2: Prey on weaknesses or<strong>

**how the cold hand of the law extends to the innocent too**.

Blaine considers himself a level headed person.

Sure, a few drinks never fail to have him lose his inhibitions, and he had lost his temper with Finn a few days ago (which in retrospect was only proof as to how infuriated he was considering Finn looks and sometimes acts like Goofy) and maybe he had been a little creeped out when Rachel suggested she hold a pillow over his head so he could get Tony's death scene right, but all in all he's been the perfect image of stoic calmness since he came to this school.

But when Sue Sylvester barges down towards you during lunch period, "calm" is definitely not the word that comes to mind.

"Me?" he looks around at hallway, crowded with cheerleaders in their status symbol uniforms, hoping against all hope that she had been calling to someone else.

"Yes, _you_, Ankles. Now get a move on. I want that trophy in my office, stat."

Blaine doesn't understand why she doesn't ask one of her damn cheerios to do it, but he picks up the trophy none the less, with the help of a blonde cheerleader. They haul into Sylvester's office, and it's the heaviest goddamn thing he's ever had to carry in his life. His biceps are killing him by the time they finally dispose of it- after coach Sylvester has changed her mind 50 times about where she wants it to go.

But his mind is too busy making up scary scenarios for him to really care. He knew this day was coming, he just did. He had slipped under the bullies' radar for far too long, and now their over queen was preparing to strike.

"Off you go then." She says distractedly, while he's sitting there waiting for the blow that doesn't come.

"That's it?" he can't help but gape like an idiot.

"What you want a gold star?"

"No just… aren't you going to insult me?" he cringes at how stupid that sounded as soon as it leaves his mouth. "I mean, you called me into your office and… I thought that's what you wanted to do." Yeah, like that sounds much better Anderson.

Sue Sylvester looks at him like she's clearly questioning his sanity. Blaine doesn't blame her.

"I called you here because I needed someone to carry the trophy for me and apparently some of my cheerios have been buying into the whole "3 meals a day" health crap and are starting to look more fitted for the football players to toss around on the field than performing jaw dropping acrobatics on my team _- Madeleine_" she looks pointedly at the cheerleader clutching her chest and trying to catch her breath "and you were the only thing around resembling a male. Plus I wanted to see if breaking a sweat would make that thing on your head extra shiny. But I had no grant scheme to insult you, since I have no idea who you are."

Blaine blinks. Then he blinks again. "I'm Blaine Anderson. I transferred here at the beginning of term?" She shows no sign of recognition. "I'm Kurt's boyfriend." He says finally, knowing that's the only way most people know him at McKinley.

She cringes. "Well _that_ gave me some graphic mental images I never wanted…" She looks at him, weighing and assessing him. "Are you in _Glee Club_?" her voice drops at a horrifying drawl.

"Yes."

"Fine." She sighs. "I'm going to have to make a folder for you…?" she looks at him expectantly, snapping her fingers, while she pulls out a blank folder from somewhere on her desk.

"Blaine Anderson."

"Right." She scribbles the name quickly on the front of the folder. "I don't like reusing my caustic remarks and you're going to be a challenge, little Will Schuester lookalike." She adds skeptically while putting the folder on top of a high stash. Blaine spies Artie's name under his.

"Do you have a folder for everyone in Glee?"

"Of course Freda." He stares blankly until she explains. "Freda Kahlo. Because of the eyebrows." She clicks her tongue disapprovingly and opens the file with his name on it. "Yeah that was terrible. You see that's why I have to keep the folders!"

"Can I go now?"

She looks up at him, like she had forgotten his existence. "Yes, you're boring me. I'll have something ready by Monday." She almost looks.. accommodating.

As he makes his way out of her office, feeling relieved and a little stupid, he becomes the unsuspecting victim of a biting cold attack. He's had his share of humiliating experiences but a slushee to the face definitely comes close to the top. He is so shocked he barely registers the second slushee being poured over his head until he feels the slimy liquid making its way into his butt crack and all the way down his legs to his sockless feet and shoes.

"Welcome to public school preppy!"

He doesn't know the name of the guy that did this to him. They've never even spoken to each other before now. And as the corn syrup is burning his eyes and the embarrassment is making his face turn red even through the cold he is wondering what he's done to deserve this. Is it his relationship with Kurt? Is it the clothes, even though he stopped wearing his beloved bowties after Santana made fun of him for them? Or is it just something else entirely, something in his small posture and the way he looks that will always make him a target for ridicule?

A warm hand is in his and he follows the lead to wherever it's taking him. Water is being poured over his head and goddamnit he doesn't even have any gel here, how is he going to survive the rest of the day with his hair looking like a bird's nest? Maybe he can borrow some of Kurt's product. Yeah that could work. Kurt probably has a set of spare clothes as well in his locker, just in case.

It's the injustice of knowing that Kurt had to go through this before, that he was here on his own, his prized clothing ruined and his pride trampled on that makes anger take over from his embarrassment. His Fight Club instincts are kicking in and he's one step away from going all Eduard Norton on every single jackass at this school. If he can beat Thad he sure as hell can rip a new one for that stupid guy with the mullet. He's so angry than he's ready to take up anyone really.

Let Sue Sylvester use that stupid folder come Monday.

Well. Not that he'd ever hit a woman.

Especially one he's seen falcon punching her way into knocking out state representative's spouses.

God, he's a bit fucked in the head isn't he?

"I find fueling my anger into my singing to be very sufficient." Rachel's voice says somewhere beyond his still closed eyelids. "I'm sure you can find some emotionally charged Katy Perry songs out there. You can open your eyes now."

Blaine blinks his eyes hesitantly open and finally takes in his surroundings. He's pretty sure he's in the girls' bathroom. Rachel has him seated on a chair that for reasons unknown is there, and is sitting on his lap smiling sympathetically down at him.

"I've texted Kurt, he should be on his way."

Blaine groans. "I really wish you hadn't done that Rachel." Part of him doesn't want Kurt to see him like this. He's been projecting this knight in shining armor image ever since they met, and it has been cracking very fast recently. But another part of him just really wants Kurt there, so he can whine childishly at him until Kurt agrees to skip class and go make out somewhere.

"You can cry if you want you know. Even Noah was close to tears the first time he got slushied."

Blaine lets out a bitter laugh. "I don't feel like crying right now, don't worry."

"Well good."

"How do you do you guys do this? How can you stand it?"

She seems to contemplate for a while. "You just have to remember you're better than them I guess. And that they'll only be a footnote on your celebrity autobiography in the future." She concludes very solemnly. Blaine attempts a smile for her sake.

The door opens and a very upset Kurt walks in. It's only a few seconds before Kurt recollects himself and is the very picture for assuring and collected, but it's there, and it makes Blaine want to crawl in his arms and never leave.

"I better be going, since you're in good hands now." Rachel gets up and leaves with a slight nod of acknowledgement Kurt's way.

Kurt sighs heavily and takes her place quickly. His weight feels right and more than welcome on top of him.

"I should have known this would happen." He takes up the wet cloth Rachel left behind and starts passing it lightly over Blaine's face, even though it's barely necessary anymore. It's evident that he's done this before. Soak at the sink, pass it over Blaine's face, rinse, repeat. Blaine feels his anger dissipating by the second. "Are you ok?"

"I'm better now. It could have been worse."

"Really, like what?"

"At least it's strawberry. It could have been like, I don't know, grapefruit or something."

Kurt smiles. "Trust you to see this as a good thing." He puts the cloth down, and stares into Blaine's eyes, like he's looking for something that Blaine can't quite figure out. "Well. It's official. You really are a part of New Directions now."

"If I was aware this was a rite of passage I might have thought harder about coming here."

Kurt's smile falters. "I'm sorry you have to go through this. I know you're probably regretting the transfer…"

"What? No, no, I'm not regretting coming here. I'll never regret coming here." He takes Kurt's right hand in his, because he needs him to know, to be absolutely certain. Kurt lets his hand there for a while.

"No but I can understand you regretting it. I… I'm kind of regretting transferring from Dalton too actually."

"Seriously?"

"Yes. I think the whole "distance makes the heart grow fonder" thing is really onto something. I mean I came back here and what I got was a whole lot of drama, and Quinn going psycho and Puck going after teachers and… ugh… the _Troubletones_." He sounds disdained, but Blaine can see the little sparkle in his eye, the one that says he finds the confusing inner matters of their little group of misfits far more exciting than the strict rules and the uniformity of Dalton Academy.

"You love them."

"Yeah I do. It's true." He shrugs, as if admitting a dirty little secret. "They're crazy but I love them." He sighs. "You sure you're ok?"

"Of course!" Kurt arches an eyebrow, clearly not buying into his over enthusiasm. Ok, maybe Blaine is lying a little bit, just so that Kurt would stop worrying. But that seems far more important to him right now. "Come on, first of all this thing tastes delicious! It's strawberry see?" he gathers some of the liquid pulling at his collarbone and brings it to his lips. "Mmm. Yum."

Kurt laughs and leans in to kiss him, sharing the taste. "It's kind of disgusting actually."

"Yeah it is."

And at this moment, Blaine feels so, so lucky. Oh he's miserable and wet and sticky all right. And he'll probably see his anger go through the roof when he thinks about the slushee incident later. But for now, Kurt is here, and his hand is warm as he pulls Blaine on his feet, and he doesn't make fun of the squeaky sound of Blaine's liquid-filled shoes as he they make their way out of the bathroom. And for now, everything is good.

"Hey, do you have any spare clothing I can borrow?" Blaine asks.

"Of course." Kurt looks mildly insulted at the implication. "I always come prepared. Though we'd probably have to um.. turn the sleeves up a bit."

"Watch it." Blaine puts up a digit in warning.

"And the pants. Yeah the pants have to be altered definitely to fit your … special height."

"I am _not _that short."

"Sure you're not."

The next time Blaine gets slushied no one is around to guide him to the girls' bathroom.

* * *

><p>"Hey killer. You done with school yet?"<p>

"Yeah… we're just… we just finished." Blaine sounds distraught. Sebastian can hear a tap running in the background.

"Great. You up for a bite? I have this great place in mind, that's only just out of Lima, if you can believe it. We can go there… with Kurt of course." He adds trying to sound casual, even though the mere name brings a sour taste in his mouth.

"Oh, Kurt's been sick the last couple of days. He didn't come to school."

"Really? Poor thing." Sebastian says, even as a smirk plays around his lips. He knew Hummel was sick of course. He had been counting on it. "I guess it's just you and me then."

"Yeah I guess… shit." Sebastian hears the sound of something metallic hitting on the tile floor.

"You sound a little upset, is everything all right?"

"What? Yeah, yeah, everything's fine." Blaine sounds distracted. "Where do you want to meet?"

"Oh I'm right outside." Sebastian says, and sure enough he can see the gray walls of McKinley just a few feet away.

"You're outside the school?"

"I was in the neighborhood." He makes himself comfortable, leaning on a tree just outside school grounds. "So, are you coming?"

"Yeah. Just, gimme ten minutes. I'll be right out."

"Great." He hangs up quickly before the approaching guy can eavesdrop on their conversation.

"You got the stuff?" the guy with the terrible hairdo asks secretively as soon as he's at Sebastian side.

"Relax, you're not in a gangster movie. This isn't a drug deal." Sebastian says, pulling out a couple of twenties from his leather wallet and handing them over. "Did you get him today?"

"Of course I _got_ him. Just after school was over, you should have seen his face. He didn't know what hit him." The lowlife whose name Sebastian is not interested in knowing says, as he pockets the money. He contemplates Sebastian for a bit, measuring him. "I don't know what you get off from this. And I'm sure plenty of people would slushie Anderson for free by the way."

"Ah, but I only want the best for the job." Sebastian smiles.

"And the best you get." The guy smiles back, and it makes Sebastian's stomach turn.

"Enough chit chat. Go away before anyone sees you."

"Sure. Boss." The guy winks, leaving, and Sebastian feels the urge to wipe that shit eating grin right off his face.

Soon Blaine will realize what an awful mistake he made in leaving Dalton. How selfish Kurt was to have him transfer to McKinley. The doom of his little romance with Hummel was already signed, sealed and delivered. Sebastian would make sure of that.

TBC

Thanks for reading and/or reviewing ;)


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: First scene takes place a little after the previous chapter's last one. The next ones take place a little over a month later. Hope that's not too confusing.

This fic is probably considered AU now, after Michael has aired.

* * *

><p><strong>Step 3: A family affair.<strong>

Blaine has things he should be doing. Papers to finish and homework to catch up on and songs to rehearse. But the simple truth of the matter is he does not want to move. Ever. Kurt is warm and inviting and all around him, laid out right here on his bed at a Saturday afternoon, with the sun setting outside his window and he feels like he should be writing poems and making glorious Kurt-inspired art instead of doing any of the stupid things he has to do.

"Will it be incredibly corny of me to say that I've missed you?" Blaine asks. "I know you were sick for only a few days but… still."

"Now who's the silly romantic?"

"Me. It's always been me."

"I've missed you too." Kurt gives him one of those rare unguarded smiles that Blaine doesn't get to see often enough. "But we need to get up."

"Noooo." He does not sound childish and whining at all, he's sure of it. And even _that _look from Kurt can't convince him otherwise.

"Yeeees." Kurt says, as he starts to disentangle himself from – the clearly _not_ whining and pleading- Blaine. "Your parents will be home any minute now, and I'd rather they not find me in bed with you."

"But we're not even doing anything." Blaine tries one last time. Still definitely not whining.

"Still, I really don't want to give them more reasons to dislike me. And I've got to go, in any case." he says with a tired expression. "I have homework to do, and I'm sure you do too."

"My parents don't dislike you." Blaine clarifies, choosing to let the comment about homework pass.

"_Really._" Kurt states more than asks as he's putting on that really beautiful red coat that makes his skin look heartbreaking and makes Blaine almost forget his next argument all together so that he can tear it off him again.

"You just got to get to know them a bit more. They're very guarded people, not very much unlike someone else I know." He adds pointedly. "It takes a little time. But they _do not_ dislike you. Come on, wasn't last time we had dinner all together fun?" He quickly regrets saying that when Kurt flinches, almost unnoticeably.

"Were you at a different dinner than I was? Because I distinctly remember your father saying that I should stop encouraging your "unreasonable" pursuit of a musical career. After your mother had mentioned about 50 times how you're wasting your future by following me to that "academically inferior school" that I obviously _blackmailed_ you into attending."

"She didn't say it like that." Blaine tries to save the unsalvageable.

"Maybe not in so many words."

They hear the unmistakable sound of his father's car pooling into the driveway outside, and it only seems to make Kurt move faster.

"Stay for dinner?" Blaine asks again, even though he knows the answer.

"It's not even polite. I can't invite myself to your family dinner."

"_I'm_ inviting you."

Kurt looks like he has finally stopped his pursuit to erase all proof that he was ever in the room, to spare a moment contemplatively looking at Blaine. "But I don't want to be an inconvenience. I don't want your mother to have to put another plate on the table at the last minute."

"She has unexpected guests over for dinner all the time and I'm sure she's cooked enough for a small army, just like any other day."

Kurt knows he's losing the argument, but he doesn't stay deterred for long. "I still have to go." He sighs. "_Homework_."

"God, _fine_." Blaine says exasperated. "I can't believe you are even afraid you won't get into NYADA. You've been studying way too hard this year for any college to not accept you. By that rate you'll graduate as valedictorian."

"You're not by any chance calling me a nerd now are you?" Kurt teases.

"I wouldn't dare to. You've taught me well." Blaine smiles into the quick chaste kiss Kurt brushes on his mouth.

"Call me later?"

"Of course. Have fun studying boring homework." Blaine says, walking Kurt at the door.

"Too close to calling me a nerd again Blaine." Kurt notes.

Blaine mimics zipping his mouth shut, and Kurt is out the door with a final farewell kiss.

* * *

><p>Sebastian looks annoyed at his phone again, the screen lighting up unsatisfactory blank. He's been waiting for Blaine for the last half hour. The least he could do was text Sebastian he'd be late.<p>

He looks around the Westerville café he's in, gazing bored at the people sitting around tasteful little coffee tables, clad in clothes that the patrons of the Lima Bean would probably have to save up for months to acquire. Not that they'd have the good sense and taste to actually buy them.

_Except maybe that Hummel kid_, he thinks to himself, straightening his expensive coat almost with a sense of pride. Because it feels like even if all else fails, at least he'll have that: his full wallet and the very expensive, very high end clothes on his back while Kurt will still have to go around in Marc Jacobs knock offs or originals that he's slaved away in his father's greasy store to be able to buy.

It's little consolation, when said boy gets to have Blaine, but Sebastian takes what he can get.

Sebastian was the one to bring Blaine to this joint, what was probably about a month ago. His plan of course still required frequent attendance at the Lima Bean, but seeing as Hummel had made it his sole purpose to invite himself along whenever he'd make plans to go there with Blaine, Sebastian had to settle for a different café, one that wasn't so close to Lima.

Not that it wasn't a joy, watching Kurt biting his lip and fixing him with those icy glares while he tried with all his might not to insult Sebastian too harshly in front of Blaine.

Sebastian was certain Kurt had not shared their little exchange at the Lima Bean with Blaine, probably due to some misplaced sense of pride. Like he thought he could get rid of Sebastian without bringing Blaine into their fighting. And as Sebastian and Blaine hang out more and more often, and they seemed to stick and fit better as time went by, with Blaine starting to view Sebastian as a friend rather than someone threatening, Kurt was getting all the more trapped in that endless cycle of having to play nice. Still Sebastian could sense he was very close to showing his little kitty claws and that he had to restrain himself with more intensity. Sebastian almost felt sorry for the poor kid. Almost. As stated before, he still had Blaine wrapped around his finger while Sebastian had to watch from the sidelines, so he was just getting what was coming to him in the end.

Blaine seemed to harbor a false nuance that they could all _be friends_- Sebastian scoffed at the mere thought- but he wasn't stupid. Sebastian was sure he could feel the awkwardness and palpable hatred, so it wasn't with too much reluctance that he agreed to meet Sebastian outside of Lima more and more. He still invited Kurt along whenever he could, and he still insisted of informing his beau of all their outings it seemed- which Sebastian found nauseatingly romantic and illogical, but there wasn't much Kurt could do about it anyway. He and Blaine might go to McKinley together, but the fact of the matter was Westerville and Lima were a couple hours apart, while Sebastian conveniently lived no more than a ten minute car drive from Blaine. And he had taken full advantage of that knowledge, asking Blaine to meet him at hours that it would be almost impossible for Kurt to make that trip to Westerville and back to his little rat hole of a town.

Hours like these: for example today he had called Blaine while the boy was already making his way to his car and back to his Westerville home. Now, Kurt could of course abandon his little pretend family and take the car ride here as well, but Sebastian was sure he wouldn't be able to pull it off on such short notice. That was the thing with good obedient teenagers' parents, he had come to realize: they have all sorts of crazy rules about staying out late and leaving on short notice. Thank god his parents never really cared either way.

He glares at his telephone again. Nothing. Blaine was supposed to go home, leave his stuff and come straight here for a quick cup of coffee. Surely if Blaine's own parents had some sort of illogical demand he stay for dinner- because unfortunately Blaine was one of those goody two-shoes teens too- Sebastian would have gotten an apologetic text by now.

He decides to wait just a little more. If anyone's worth it, it's Blaine. Ever since he's started spending more time with him, Sebastian has found that chatting him up doesn't necessarily have to serve as a means to an end. Blaine is witty and _fun_ and all the little perks that Sebastian would have found annoying under different circumstances are actually kind of… endearing. It's a strange concept for him, enjoying Blaine's company. He always found other people tolerable at best- especially people he wants to sleep with.

He's starting to get generally pissed and offended though –because Blaine or no Blaine, no one stood up Sebastian Smythe- when finally the object of his musings enters the café and makes a bee line for his table.

"Sorry I'm late. I got held back." Blaine says, sitting on the table with an apologetic glance at Sebastian.

Sebastian is about to say something caustic, when he notices the still damp hair on the base of Blaine's neck – hair that he's itching to run his fingers through- the seemingly hastily worn clothes, the slightly manic look with which Blaine is eyeing his surroundings. Like he's just had a meeting with a ghost and he's not about to let anyone know, so that they won't take him for a crazy person.

Of course. Mullet man said he'd be waiting for Blaine at the parking lot today. To catch him off guard.

"Did you just take a shower?" Sebastian asks, looking at Blaine expectantly.

"Uh yeah. Glee practice. Makes me sweaty sometimes." He says, looking not at all certain if his own words make sense but continuing with the façade nonetheless. "Sorry I kept you waiting, I should have called."

"I wouldn't mind it if you came here sweaty. In fact for future reference, I'd encourage it." He smirks in what he knows is a suave and sexy manner, and it seems to catch Blaine by surprise.

Blaine trips a bit over his words when he speaks again, and Sebastian's smirk grows in satisfaction at the effect he's having over Blaine. "Uh…Trust me, you would not want to see that. Again…. sorry for being late. Have you been here long?"

"Naah, just arrived myself." Sebastian says, all anger from earlier forgotten.

They start their usual ritual of seemingly harmless back and forth, but soon enough he notices how distracted Blaine seems to be. He looks almost sad. Contemplative surely, and with his thoughts a million miles away.

Sebastian thinks of the slushies, he thinks of Mullet man and the parking lot and the stories he's heard about Blaine's Sadie Hawkins dance experience.

There is a pang of guilt, but he pushes it away.

He has a plan, and he has to stick to it. It's all for the best. The best for Blaine. Blaine will be thanking him later. He'll see, he'll realize how much better his life can be back at Dalton. That Sebastian is here to save him from the mediocrity he condemned himself to the moment he chose to be with Kurt.

"Are you sure you're ok? You seem upset." Sebastian asks. He's mentally preparing for it, for Blaine admitting to all the horrible things that are going on at McKinley.

But the confession doesn't come.

"Yes, everything's fine."

"Blaine…"

"You've never told me. How does someone like you end up in small town Ohio?" Blaine cuts him off before he has a chance to finish.

"Changing the subject?"

"Maybe." Blaine answers cryptically.

It stings a bit, his pride mostly, that Blaine doesn't trust him yet enough to tell him anything about the slushies. But he lets it pass for now. They'll get there.

"I don't know, how did _you _get here? You're just as much out of place in this god forsaken place as I am."

"I grew up here." He shrugs. "I'm not the one who's lived in France and who's had more affairs than a Hollywood superstar."

"You could be." Sebastian says, but he decides to indulge him. "Well, I used to go to this private school before Dalton Academy. Very strict, very… elite. Organised. Charming classrooms. You know the kind."

"I do." Blaine smiles. He's thinking of Dalton, Sebastian knows it. He misses it. It's at times like these when Sebastian wants to shake him, to ask him why he ever thought that ice princess of a boyfriend of his was worth leaving something he loves behind.

"Well they had very lovely staff too. This one math teacher in particular. Dark hair, big eyes_.._. And this pair of really cute dorky glasses."

"You didn't!" Blaine acts shocked, but he's leaning closer, his breathing has picked up, his eyes are shining. He's excited, he always is when Sebastian is recounting one of his many hookups.

"I did." Sebastian says simply. He takes a sip of his coffee slowly. He's waiting. Ah, at last a decent cup of coffee. The Lima Bean clientele thinks an espresso is high cuisine.

"Well go on then! What happened? Did they catch you?"

"Unfortunately. And in a very compromising position. I had him spread over the desk" he gestures with his hand, his flat palm, stroking the air as if he can still feel the smooth wooden surface below his touch " crying out and wanting. His glasses skewered just so. His papers were scattered around the floor, most of them in pieces. He was the one that shred them- insisted on it! Saw it as some sort of rebellious act or something."

"And?" Blaine asks, eyes wide. It's so reassuring, it confirms that he's made the right choice in going after Blaine, this interest. Because when he looked that teacher in the eye and went straight for it, going down on him just as the students were filling out of the school that day, he had expected the guy to freak out, to run and rat him out to the principal. And when he looked at Blaine, at first, he'd expected him to have the same reactions while listening to his stories. But he doesn't. He doesn't do anything, doesn't even cringe, just stays there and listens intently every time.

"We got caught. Obviously. A cleaning lady came in and saw us. Shrieked her head off. But you know what the best part was?"

"What?"

"We didn't stop. _He_ didn't stop. He kept on going until we both came." He pauses a little, just to cherish this look on Blaine's face. He loves that look. He doesn't know what to call it. But he loves it. He thinks about it, when he jerks off, during the day, during classes. It haunts him.

He thinks Blaine gets off on his stories. Afterwards, after they've parted. He's not sure of it, but even the little suspicion that he does something, says something that could have this effect on Blaine is one of the biggest thrills in his life.

"Anyway, he got shacked and I got expelled. Sent to France for the summer, to "straighten my act" and when I came back, the whole family had relocated to escape the scandal. To glorious Ohio!" He raises his coffee mug in toast.

Blaine stares at him some more, shaking his head a little.

"Was it worth it though?"

"For him? Definitely. For me… yeah I guess."

Blaine lets out a little laugh after a while. "Wow."

"What?" Sebastian asks, acting confused, but he's so pleased it's hard to hide a smirk.

"You're like… that guy from Gossip Girl. The rich one. Only gay. Well_, gayer_."

Sebastian looks at him in shock. But he soon sees the signs of a smile playing around Blaine's lips. Oh he's teasing then. Ok then, he can play along.

"Gossip Girl? You're comparing me to _Gossip Girl_ characters?"

"Just the one."

"I am nothing like Chuck Bass. He's a douche bag. And he's ugly."

"Oh you watch it then huh?"

"No." Because he doesn't. Mostly. Well maybe except a couple of times. A month.

"You sure?"

"Of course I'm sure! God, I've never been insulted more in my life. "

"Well it's true though. You even get that look, that predatory glint. You should try out for the role. If they ever do a musical version."

" _Musical Gossip Girl_." Sebastian deadpans and Blaine shrugs noncommittally. "And for the record_, everyone_ in there is rich. It's their thing. Snobby emo rich kids."

"You would know, you're the one that watches it."

* * *

><p>Sebastian had this step in the back of his mind, but he wasn't sure if it'd be worth it. Sure, talking to a potential fuck partner's parents was never quite up his league, but he had thought it might be useful, as just one more little step into the deconstruction of the Kurt Blaine relationship that he's attempting. From what he had gathered, Blaine's parents are not exactly PFLAG material. They might not have an outright problem with Blaine doing a great justice to the G in the LGBTQ initialism, but they weren't enthusiastic about it either.<p>

And Sebastian suspected having their son date Kurt-I'm so gay my tears are Swarovski diamonds and my poop is the color of rainbows- Hummel was rubbing it into their face a bit too much.

So he had already figured out Kurt's relationship with the in laws can't be that much of a merry go ride, but the little complaint Blaine had let slip a few days earlier only came to confirm his suspicions.

Apparently trouble had a way of arriving at paradise when it came to that topic. And even though Blaine immediately shut up the second he realized his slip up –and jeez that boy has some serious trust issues- and resisted all of Sebastian's efforts to coax the rest of the story out of him, that little tidbit of information was enough to make the metaphorical light bulb over Sebastian's head shine bright and clear.

They had been enjoying their evening when Blaine realized his trusty cell phone- which seemed to be glued to the inside of his palm like a lifeline and vibrated obnoxiously every ten minutes with messages from Kurt every time Sebastian was around- was not on him.

Blaine wanted to quickly head on to his house, pick up the phone and return, but Sebastian insisted they go together. He'd never been to Blaine's house before and it's the perfect opportunity to snoop around undetected, especially with the way Blaine hurriedly scurries about the big house in search of the lost item.

The Andersons' house is certainly upper middle class. Nothing too impressive, but tasteful and carefully put together, it speaks of a family that has no problems making ends meet, or hiring a maid to keep everything immaculately well organized. Sebastian makes his way along the second floor slowly, observing. There is a row of pictures on the wall, mostly Blaine's. Summer vacations and pictures of him holding a violin at a young age and that photo of him in the Warbler blazer that's also on Thad's Dalton yearbook that Sebastian conveniently borrowed after he'd met Blaine.

"Violin?" he calls out, and Blaine's head appears for a second at the doorframe of his room. He looks confused until Sebastian shows him the picture.

"Oh, no, I gave that up years ago. Not my style." and he's back to tossing clothes around the bedroom and turning bed sheets upside down.

Sebastian observes a different photo for a bit too long –it's a picture of Blaine looking about 12, with that too big smile and rosy cheeks that Sebastian just wants to pinch- before shaking his head and moving into the bedroom at last. Because really. Baby pictures. These should not hold any interest for him, whatsoever.

Blaine's bedroom is a different tale. Sebastian pays little attention to the hurricane that Blaine is currently causing in the room, to look around, but there are no pictures of Blaine anywhere in this room. He moves to the night stand, and there is one photo there, but it's of that Kurt kid, wearing a black suit. Next to it is a box of tissues. Talk about subtle and classy.

Sebastian is fighting the urge to deface the picture, but since Blaine has disappeared into the bathroom, he does mostly unconsciously look around for markers. When he finds one lying on a small desk in the far corner, his hand is itching to draw a curly mustache on the photo so much that he has to drop it quickly on the floor.

He hears commotion from downstairs, and he chooses to check the source of the noise to distract him from exercising his most artistic tendencies.

From the bottom of the stairs, he can see a middle aged man and woman changing out of coats and putting down shopping bags. The woman is small, with long black hair that's starting to go gray around her temple, and the man looks older than her, with relatively small stature himself. They seem oblivious to his presence in the room.

Sebastian quickly amends that with a small cough.

"Oh honey I was just going to…" The woman turns toward him and stops dead in her tracks. "Who are you?"

Sebastian steps off the staircase with an outstretched hand. "Sebastian Smythe. You must be Blaine's parents. Don't believe we've met."

* * *

><p>He finds the stupid phone lying on the floor between the laundry basket and the bathroom wall- he has no idea how it got there. He takes a full minute to glare at it before checking for messages.<p>

1 missed call.

Four texts.

from: Kurt Hummel (18:15)

_Brittany is trying to do my hair. Help._

From: Mom (18:21)

_We're at the supermarket. Will you be home for dinner around 8?_

From: Kurt Hummel (18:35)

_Watching Santana tutor Finn and Brittany in Biology is like watching The Black Swan. It both confuses and terrifies me but I can't stop wanting to know if it'll end in success or a bloodbath. _

From Kurt Hummel (19:26)

_And now Finn asked Santana how scissoring works. I'm thinking definitely bloodbath. Seriously. Help._

Blaine smiles to himself, appreciating the fact that he can hear about the train wreck currently going on at the Hummel/Hudson household, without having to witness it unravel. He starts composing a response, while making his way back into the bedroom. He steps on a marker and looks down confused. Honestly, he needs to clean his room more often. How the hell did that end up there?

To: Kurt Hummel (19:45)

_How come you guys are all together? Should I be jealous? _

He calls out for Sebastian, when he sees he's not in the bedroom anymore, but there is no answer.

That's when he hears the conversation coming from the living room. Crap, he knew he heard his parents coming home. And now they're apparently talking to Sebastian. He can just imagine a million ways that exchange can go wrong.

At least he hopes Sebastian hasn't felt the need to share his many stories of sexual prowess with them.

He goes downstairs, preparing for the worst. But the sight that greets him is nothing like he'd thought it would be. Sebastian is making chit chat with his dad about politics of all things, and the two of them seem completely in agreement with each other, if the friendly arm his father has on Sebastian's shoulder and their smiling faces is anything to go by.

"Blaine honey, it's rude to stare." his mom says when she catches sight of him. Blaine quickly closes his mouth and takes the final steps towards them.

"What are you guys… doing?" he looks at the bags laying on the floor and the way both his parents and Sebastian are wearing almost identical welcoming grins on their face.

"We're just talking to your friend here." his father says, releasing Sebastian's shoulder with a final squeeze. "How come you've kept this wonderful young man a secret when we get a parade of your friends every other day?" He doesn't miss the way his father pronounces "friends", and thinking back on the last time Kurt came to visit with Puck and Tina, he's sure his father's tone means something among the lines of "juvenile delinquents and misfits."

"Did you know Sebastian speaks Tagalog?" his mother butts in before he can answer the last question.

"Just a little bit." Sebastian interjects quickly. "I spent some time in the Philippines two years ago. But my accent is horrific!"

"Don't be so modest! You're doing wonderful." His mom says quickly, swatting a hand at the air. "You boys will be staying for dinner right?"

They all turn to look at him. Blaine is sure his mouth is gaping again. He has no idea what is going on, he can feel the cell in his pocket buzzing and he's staring at Sebastian who is wearing the politest expression Blaine has ever seen on his face.

"I'd love to stay for dinner, if Blaine's ok with it."

"Blaine?" his father calling his name brings him back to reality.

"I…uh…"

"Oh, Blaine, don't be rude." His mother says again. He doesn't have the time to be annoyed, because the cell phone keeps buzzing. Kurt.

"We'd love to have you for dinner dear." she says to Sebastian. "I'll set the table. Come help me." she motions to his dad and they disappear in the kitchen, carrying the bags with them.

Sebastian's smile slowly changes from that unrecognizable politeness to a self satisfied grin Blaine is much more familiar with. "What?"

"Just… what happened right there? Is it the full moon, or… How did you get my parents to like you?"

"I have my ways." Sebastian smirks wider. "Come on, don't look so surprised. I can be _proper_."

" But…" the phone stops buzzing and Blaine quickly gets it out to call Kurt back. "Hold that though, I'll be right back."

He climbs the stairs quickly, hitting the return call button. Kurt picks it up on the second ring.

"Thank god you called, I'm going insane with all these mental cases around here."

Blaine hears Santana exclaim an offended "Hey!" from the background but the surrounding noise dies down, as Kurt probably moves to a more isolated area.

"Hi."

"Hi yourself stranger. I was starting to think you're ignoring me."

"Sorry about that. I was out with Sebastian. What's going on over there?"

Kurt pauses. " You know, the usual… Finn thinks he might fail."

"But why is _Santana_ tutoring him?"

"Because she likes to make him cry. Brittany is moral support. Did you say you were out with Sebastian?"

"Uh… yeah. Is that all right?"

"Of course! Why wouldn't it be?" He lets out that small laugh the one that Blaine immediately recognizes as Kurt Hummel laugh number 17: the fake one. "Did you guys have fun?"

"Sure. It was ok. I'm sorry I didn't tell you to come, I thought you'd be busy already."

"You don't have to tell me to come along every time you go out with friends Blaine, come on. So, are you driving home now or…?"

"We're home already actually. We're just about to have dinner."

"I'm sorry, "we"? Sebastian's still with you?"

" Yes? He sort of invited himself… Well, my parents invited him, to be honest."

"Your parents." There is that pregnant pause again. "I didn't realize he knew them."

"They just met."

"And they invited him to dinner." Blaine knows what he's thinking. Knows that every time Kurt has stayed over, none of them was after his parents' request. "Fantastic."

"Kurt…"

"So it's just me they don't like?"

"Don't be like that."

Kurt scoffs.

"It's not that they don't like you…"

"It's just that they like Sebastian better. Try not to have an arranged marriage over dinner ok?" he plays it off as a joke, but Blaine can hear the bitterness in his voice.

"Look, I'm not responsible for my parents. I can't tell them what to do."

"No, it's fine. I understand. We've been together for a year now, but the moment Sebastian sets foot in your house they start planning the invitations together."

"You could try a little harder you know, if you want them to like you that much." he says it because he's starting to get pissed off, but he regrets it the moment the words leave his mouth.

"I _am_ trying Blaine." Kurt sounds tired now. "Enjoy your dinner."

"No, Kurt wait!" he's sure Kurt was about to hang up on him, but the line stays connected. It's insane. They never hang up on each other, no matter how bad they're fighting. "Don't be mad."

"I'm not mad at you." Kurt sighs. "Look, I've got to go, I think I saw Santana holding a knife earlier, and I can't _actually_ let her murder my brother."

"Ok, just… talk to you later?"

"Later." and he's gone.

Blaine takes a long deep breath, trying to recollect his thoughts. He has a feeling that he just screwed up royally.

"Problem?" Sebastian's standing at the door frame, looking at him expectantly.

"No. I'm coming. Just give me a minute."

"Ok."

When he's alone he looks down at the screen again. He considers texting Kurt with an apology, but he can't seem to find anything that won't making sound too blasé or too desperate.

* * *

><p>"That cunning snake! Evil…mean spirited… pig…" Kurt is muttering under his breath when he gets back to the others.<p>

"Woah, are you mad at Blaine? What's going on?" Finn is the first one to break his tirade.

Kurt looks up at him, lost. He had forgotten anyone was in the room.

"No, I'm not mad at Blaine. Well, yes. Maybe. A little bit? I don't know."

"Sebastian?" Santana asks knowingly.

"But I thought he was a meerkat, like Timon." Brittany murmurs.

"Oh, he's upgrading. He's upgrading fast."

"Is that dude giving you trouble again? Cause I can totally kick his ass." Finn says.

"Finn, can you get me a cup of coffee?" Santana interjects.

"What? But… I want to hear what happened…"

"I just spent an hour explaining the difference between DNA and RNA to you. I didn't even _know _the difference between them until I had to explain it to you. You had better get me that coffee or so help me god."

"Fine. Just… don't finish talking before I'm back." He looks pleading around when he realizes he's being dismissed "Kurt." He extends a finger and his eyes turn into slits. "I will kick this guy's ass. I'm serious." he says with solemn conviction but any menacing effects his threat might have held disappear when he knocks into a table on his way to the kitchen.

"Ok." Santana takes a minute to pass a hand through her hair. "Now that Clifford's gone. What happened? Do I have to kick the guy's ass?"

"No, Santana. There will be no ass kicking."

"What did he _do_?"

"He's having dinner with _Blaine's parents_."

Santana looks at him confused. "Ok, you're going to have to help me a little here, cause I'm lost."

Kurt sighs. "Blaine's parents hate me. They've always hated me. And now, Sebastian's there, acting like the perfect prospective groom. And I just… god, I just _know_, I _know what he's doing_! He's playing tricks with my head. He puts up this whole fake friendly persona when he's around Blaine but it's all one big fat lie. He's trying to turn Blaine against me. And I don't know how long I can take this for anymore."

Brittany has a comforting hand on his knee. She's cooing softly in his ear, probably the slow version of Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, if Finn poking his face to take a peak from the kitchen and Santana's following glare is to be taken into account, but Kurt really can't pay attention to anything right now. He's been keeping everything in for too long, having no one to complain to, and now that there is an understanding audience, he just can't get himself to stop. "He keeps showing up at our dates. And worse than that, he's having dates with Blaine. He schedules them around _me_. I have no idea how he does it, but he seems to know every single move that I make. And he is always calling and texting and just… He is always around. And I am sick of it!"

"Why are we still sitting here? How exactly do you want to do this? Because I just ordered my copy of The Cannibal's Cookbook, and I ain't afraid to use it. Or we could just slash his tires? Drop him in a pool infested with manwhore craving piranhas? Give me something to work with here, but make it quick because I'm probably gonna need Puck for that last one."

"No."

"Why the fuck not?"

"I will not result to violence. I built a whole campaign around stopping _dodgeball_, you think I'm going to encourage slashing tires and cannibalistic cookery?"

"No one says you've got to encourage it, I'll do it on my own."

"Santana. No."

"Pffft. You are no fun. Why don't you just tell Blaine to stop hanging out with him?"

"I can't do that. He'll think I don't trust him."

"But you don't trust him."

"Of course I trust him. I don't trust _Sebastian_. Besides, I can't just tell him who to be friends with. Especially now. You know even the Warblers stopped talking to him? Which, by the way, I am sure Sebastian has something to do with. And getting accepted into the New Directions didn't exactly go smoothly, mostly thanks to Finn."

"I apologized for that!" Finn yells from the kitchen.

"You're supposed to be making me coffee, not eavesdropping." Santana yells back, and Finn disappears into the kitchen again. "That was a million years ago."

"All I'm saying is, he doesn't have a multitude of friends in Glee Club."

"Hold on. What do you mean he doesn't have friends? What the hell are we?"

"Doesn't Blaine like us?" Brittany looks just as upset as when she found out Puck's pet chameleon is not actually a T-Rex.

"No, Brittany he likes you just fine don't worry."

"What is that supposed to mean? He doesn't like _me?_"

"Well. Not exactly doesn't like you. But you are kind of mean to him." Kurt says, matter of fact.

"I am not!"

"You told him his face belongs on a tub of Murray's natural beeswax."

"But…"

"You asked if he shops at Abercrombie kids."

"One time!"

"You gave him a walnut and asked him if he wanted to play Thumbelina."

"But that was just teasing!"

"That's how she shows her affection." Brittany comments, brushing a lock of Santana's hair behind her ear.

"Britt's right. That's how I show affection."

"Yeah, but he doesn't know that. And I can't just tell him to start losing friends after I made him come to a school he doesn't like just to be with me. I don't want to be one of those annoying couples…"

"You already are pretty annoying." Santana cuts him short.

Kurt proceeds to remind her exactly how he won that contest for most fear inducing bitch glare back in 2008. "_I don't want to be one of those annoying couples_" he repeats "that are together 24/7 only to realize they have no friends beside each other."

"Fine. Whatever." Santana lets out a long suffering sigh, knowing she has lost this battle. "But you know, some time you're going to have to stop acting so damn superior. Because you might be a little toy choo choo train going up your_ high road,_ but Sebastian is a monster truck coming at full speed. And he's going to crush you Kurt."

A/N Thanks for reading and/or reviewing ;)


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